Monday, August 20, 2012

Time to catch up...

Hello Hello...

It's been a week or two since I have checked in. I lost the motivation to blog and could not find the strength to type the thoughts that were going through my mind. My last post was short. I just could not bring myself to relay the happenings in my life. I could not go into detail as to the cause of the post. 

And I don't think I will now. I will just say that my boyfriend lost his brother. His family was devastated and I was stunned when  I heard the news. 

I had never had to face the death of a loved one before this. Yes, my grandmother died when I was 2 but I was too young to understand (or remember) the feelings that surface with the death of a loved one. I have always wondered how I would react to something like this since I don't react well to serious situations. I tend to detach and hold back. I tend to pretend nothing is wrong and I never react the right way. What I really mean is, I tend to laugh when something serious happens. It is the worst reaction. I know. It just comes out. 

A month or two ago, I mentioned something at the end of this post. The twin sister of a coworker of mine died. Again, I don;t want to go into details, but I did not know how to react to the news. I felt terrible for her and wanted to let her know that I was there. But what can I say to her? 

"I'm sorry for your loss"

"I am here for you"

It just sounds so cliche and no matter what I say it doesn't make it better, right? That was my mindset after this happened.

...And then, I get a call from my boyfriend last Saturday. That is when I learned some things about myself. When the words came out of Colon's mouth, I immediately started to cry. My body felt numb. I do not know if I initially reacted to the pain that I could hear in Colon's voice or to the news. But I DO know that I felt pain. I was shocked AND I could only think about being there for Colon. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, and hold him. I just wanted to let him know that I am there for him. 

With this came uncertainty. Would he really want me there with him and his family. Do I even have the right to cry over his brother, someone that I did not know too well?  

So many thoughts going through my brain. I needed to stop thinking and let myself mourn for my own reasons and in my own way. 

Going through this experience taught me a few things about myself. 

* Once someone shows me an inch of kindness, they start to claim a small part of my heart. And that is what Colon's brother did. I did not know him very well, but he has always been kind and always made me feel comfortable. 

* I love Colon more than I thought I did. This experience and situation reaffirmed that I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. When he hurts, I hurt. That is how I know I love him. 

* I absolutely love Colon's family. They have an amazing family dynamic and have always made me feel loved and included. Seeing them hurting, broke my heart. It is one of the hardest things that I have witnessed in my life. 

* My family means the world to me. I love them more then ever and need to hold them close. 

Such a hard thing to go through but it has taught me so much about myself.

I did not mean to get all mushy in this post. I just wanted to clue you all in on what is going on in my head. I may have refrained from posting for a week and a half but I was still here. I have been reading everyone's blog posts and keeping up with your lives. But my motivation was gone. 

It was gone but I had plenty of blogworthy (at least they were to me) things to write about. What kind of things?

Well, first of all the past two weeks have been extremely busy at work. Basically, On August 3rd approximately 600 people moved out of the complex I work at. Once they moved out, we had to prepare apartments for 500 people to move into on August 18th. That gave us 15 days to prepare hundreds of apartments. Work has been stressful and everyone has been working grueling hours. Having the weekends off was out of the question. (I only took time off for the funeral). 

What else has been happening? (All pictures taken from Instagram)
I posted this picture on Instagram and got a lot of comments about it.
Basically,  this is my morning routine.
I lay out everything I am going to use in the order in which I will use them.
Go ahead and make fun. So many people have! 

My friend made me a rosary. It came in handy the past week.
When I went down south for the funeral, my boyfriend took me out to a Cuban restaurant.
I HAD to get flan! YUMMY!
My beautiful college-bound sister. LOVE HER!

I have mentioned tortoises and turtles plenty plenty of times on my blog.
 Since my sister is going to college, she gave me her turtle. 
His name is Norton and he is adorable.
I have had him for a couple of days and I am already in love.

Wow... this is a long freaking post. I think I will say bye for now. BUT, before I go, I have good news. Colon is coming back tonight! I have him all to myself for a year! YES :)

Night everyone!


Thursday, August 9, 2012

Keep in mind...

Life is interesting. 
You can lose someone you love in a minute. 
Don't take those around you for granted. 
They may not be there tomorrow.

Keep that in mind and say "I love you" to those you love.


PS... Please keep my boyfriend and his family in your thoughts and prayers.