Monday, May 17, 2010

Be who you are and LOVE it!!!!

Whenever I am on campus and find myself with free time, I like to sit and observe the people walking by. I look at many things, but the one thing I am focusing on is the confidence of the people walking by. I used to walk around in envy of others. I envied the self-confidence others seemed to have.
But I am starting to notice more and more that most people do not have self-confidence or have low self-esteem. When I noticed this, it made me focus on myself. I found that when I was younger, I did not care what others thought. I was one of those annoying kids. I said what popped into my head and didn't care what anyone thought (I have videos to prove this). What happened to this person? It's as if, this person was kidnapped. I have become extremely self-conscious. I doubt everything I do. I constantly tell myself that things are unreachable. WHY, and how do I change?
With the help of my boyfriend, I delved deeper and found that I was so afraid of negative feedback. So afraid of criticism. I will never forget the day I thought about this and figured this out. May 2,2010. It'll be the day that changed my life. It was the day that I decided that this was all going to change. I am not going to let fear rule me. I am going to do anything that I am interested in, no matter what. I will not let the fear of failing stop me from pursuing something. Thus, I have started a list of things that I have always wanted to do but have never had the guts to pursue:
  1. salsa dancing
  2. write a book
  3. get in shape
  4. etc.... (suggestions please?)

I am also trying to work on my self-image. The following quote by Maryanne Williamson was very inspirational.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world."

This quote describes my thought processes exactly. I could never take a compliment on beauty or smarts because I did not want to seem cocky, or full of myself. So, I always turned the compliments away and told myself they were not true. But I was doing myself more harm by doing this. Because, when you start to tell yourself negative things, you start to believe them.

So, the first step is to try to undo all the harm I was doing to myself. I have looked in the mirror everyday for the past week and a half and have found positive things about myself. Hopefully this is will get me on the right track. Because I realize that no one else will be able to love and appreciate me if I don't love and appreciate myself.

So, hopefully this is an inspiration for someone out there. And, for those of you reading this, I would definitely like suggestions to my list started above.

With lots of love and faith,



  1. So, I started doing this turbo kickboxing class with my friend Judit. I looked like an idiot (no coordination for the life of me), but I am taking this as a challenge. Who cares if I look stupid. As long as I keep trying and am confident in myself and laugh at myself. So, thats what I did. My night was full of laughing at myself and trying to follow the moves. :) I think that that's a step.

  2. I am so proud of you! for taking the initiative and really thinking about what you want to improve especially for your inner beauty, though I really want to get in shape too. :-) It is really inspirational and has given me the courage to go out and be more confident and be the person that I want others to see. Mostly to stop doubting myself - to stop doubting whether or not I can try whatever I want, doubting that I am not smart or pretty or social enough. Instead, I'm trying to just...try. To get out there and do the things that I enjoy and take helpful criticism well but to not let it slow me down. And to not care about anyone's negative opinions. Because sooner than later they'll be proven wrong when they see the self-confidence that I have AND that I am a kind person AND that I am not letting anyone bring me down, especially myself.


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