Wednesday, April 28, 2010


All my life, my parents have told me how proud of me they would be if a graduated from college or some sort of higher education. They were so proud when I actually started receiving acceptance letters from universities. While they were proud, I was scared. Life as I knew it was changing. I was turning 18. I was becoming an "adult". I was scared of the responsibilities that would come.

Looking back on those days, it makes me laugh. There was nothing to be scared about. In hindsight, I was being pessimistic. I was focusing on the fact that my parents were not going to be there holding my hand. They were no longer overseeing whether or not I was studying or doing my assignments. It was all going to be new.

Now, my UNDERGRADUATE university years are coming to an end. Did you have to read that line twice??? Well let me repeat it for you.


I have successfully completed 2 bachelors of arts degrees (biochemistry and math) in four years (including summers) at an amazing university.

::: GO GATORS:::

This might make you think that I am crazy but I have mixed emotions about this. I am extremely happy that I have done what many people don't have the opportunity to do. Yet, at the same time, this accomplishment puts more pressure. Now that I have two degrees under my belt, I am expected to do something amazing. I am expected to obtain an awesome, lucrative job and be extremely successful. More responsibilities will come as I am expected to be more independent.

These are the thoughts that have been filling my mind the past couple of days. I have been making an event in my life that is supposed to be wonderful and full of happiness into a something so ugly and miserable. So, from now on I am going to focus on the positives. I am going to reminisce on the amazing times that I have experienced at UF.

So, to all those undergraduates that are finishing up and graduating. Congratulations!!! You have accomplished something amazing and should be proud of yourself.

Until another day,

Monday, April 26, 2010

Jealousy has driven her mad

"an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust." - wikipedia

I am not proud of this. But, I have always been one to be plagued by jealousy. I have never been jealous of someone because of the material things that they have. But, when it comes to the people I love, I have been known to be very jealous. Don't get me wrong. I never have horrible tantrums. I usually keep my feelings to myself and let them eat away at me. It was during one of these episodes that I realized I need to conquer my jealousy. I shouldn't let it get me down or lower my self esteem. I should really look into the situation. See what is making me feel like this, and change my approach for dealing with it.

BUT the first step is to come to the route of my feelings. I decided to do some research on jealousy and came upon the following Russian Proverb :

"Jealousy and love are sisters"

I read this and it was as if a light bulb switched on in my head. It made me notice that I only become jealous when it involves those that I truly love. I am found that most of my jealousy resorts to the fact that other people can make the people I love happier than I can. So, I guess I am jealous of moments that people share with others. Moments that I have no part of. This sounds so stupid. But, after talking to some of my friends about my feelings, I am finding that this is a common cause of jealousy.

But being common does not make it right. Jealousy can be flattering at first, but it can be a destructive factor in a relationship. Maya Angelou said the following :

"Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening".

This is scary. A feeling that started off so genuine and innocent can take over and become something so nasty and devastating. But does jealousy really start off that innocent? Is it not a sign of selfishness. A sign of distrust. A sign of a lack of confidence?

I decided that, for me, it is a little bit of everything. It is a lack of confidence that leads to the distrust in people. I have such a low self esteem that I can't allow myself to believe that others truly do love me (other than my family). Thus this leads to distrust. I start to get jealous because I want someone all to myself. This is disgusting. AND it NEEDS to change!!!

So, now that I have found the cause of my jealousy I have to eradicate that cause. Only then will I reduce the amount of jealousy in my life. I have to become more confident. I must realize that I am smart, funny, and fun to be with. That there is no need to be jealous because I will not be a part of everything. But that does not make me any less of an amazing person.

So, for all of you that have the same problem with jealousy, please realize that you are amazing and work on your self-esteem. Because, once you are confident with yourself, trivial things will not enrage the jealousy monster within you.

Be confident.



"reliance on another person or entity. Having faith in others and believing them"

We always talk about trusting people. Trusting our friends, family, significant other. We all claim we know the meaning of "trust". But, I have been noticing lately that everyone has their own definition of trust. If you do a quick search (google) you will find the definition given above. Is this the definition of trust that you would give? AND who would you consider trustworthy? Are YOU trustworthy?

I am asking these questions because I have run into a situation recently. I gave my trust to someone. I told them my feelings and have found that my feelings weren't respected. And honestly, It hurt. So I thought about it.

and thought.

and thought.

and thought some more.

AND this is what I came up with.

I think that the definition is slightly correct. I do beleive that when you trust somebody you do rely on them and have faith in them. But, I think the definition does not indicate the emotions that come with trust. I think that with trust, there is love. Maybe not the romantic love. But, love nonetheless. You love someone so much that you are allowing yourself to become vulnerable by telling something about yourself that people rarely know about you.

I consider myself someone who trusts everyone until they prove me wrong and am noticing that this should not be the route I take. I shouldn't give trust too easily. They must show me that they deserve my confidence. I am finding that you set the stages for betrayal when you trust too easily.

"Each betrayal begins with trust"

It's sad but true. This quote is perfect. But, It's extremely sad that something so beautiful, such as trust, can turn into something so ugly. Is this human nature? Do we all betray someone at least once in our lives? Do we betray people by accident because we don't realize the implications and indications of our actions? And if this is the case... Is this a good excuse? I don't know the answers to all of these questions, but I do beleive that people do not always realize what their actions are reflecting. But does this make it ok? I think not. (But remember, this is my opinion!). Whether we mean to or not, a betrayal is a betrayal. And it still hurts.

Sooooo.... who can we trust? Sure, many people would say yes (they are trustworthy). But, I am finding out that very few people are. I am finding that my parents are right. They have always told me that there are few people that you can count on, and a portion of those people have been there throughout my whole life. These people are my family. My mother. My father. My 3 sisters (Alicia, Christina, Natalia). AND my brother (Eduardo). These are the people that truly have your best interest at heart. That love you and don't want to see you hurt. The people that truly do become sad when they see that you are upset. But, is there anyone else?

I am finding that there ARE more people. There just won't be billions more out there. The people that are trustworthy will be the people who TRULY care about you. The people who are there for you through thick and thin. The people who are willing to take care of you. The people who are not just there for a good time.

I've rambled for too long but I wanted to part with this final quote.

~ One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~
Steven Deitz

bonne soirée
Je t'aime

<3 Lourdes

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Dunder Mifflin Paper Company :)

For the past few weeks, there has been a void in my Friday night (no cable) routine. This void is due to the fact that there has not been new episodes of The Office. Although you may think this is dumb, I have a geniune love for this show. It's the weirdness and quirkiness of the characters; the "love" stories; the antics in each episode; and mostly the fact that it makes me want to work in an office like that.

I'm about to give my version of a breakdown of MY favorite characters and the "office drama".

Special Agent Michael Scarn

If you don't watch the show and are unfamiliar with the characters, you have at least heard friends and acquaintances add a "That's what she said" into a conversation here and there. I am pretty sure that The Office was not the first to use the phrase, but the usage by Michael Scott has started a popular trend.

Michael never ceases to amaze me. One minute he is doing something totally stupid and embarassing (ex. Claiming he is the father of Jan's baby). Yet, another minute he does something to make me feel totally bad for him. Although he seems totally oblivious to the feelings of many of the office workers (i.e. Toby), he does show on some occasions that he cares. It's his antics that keep me coming for more.


I absolutely love this couple. Watching them go from the friendship stage to dating to engagement to marraige and a baby. It has been amazing. I have cried during every big event. There story is eventful, to say the least. In the beginning, Pam is engaged to Roy. But Jim likes Pam ( I like to think Pam secretly likes Jim at this point).

Oh, Jim. I have a secret crush on him. Seeing him through the first couple seasons when he pined over Pam (although she was engaged to Roy) made me adore him even more. His constant pranks on Dwight always make me laugh. For example:

*stapler in the Jello
*desk wrapped as a present
*etc etc etc

To tell the truth. I admire Jim. Especially in the way he treats Pam. He allows her to live her life and do the things that will make her happy. He allowed her to go to art school in New York even if it meant a long distace relationship. Amazing. This is hard for anyone to do. Especially if they love someone so much and want to spend their life with that person. So, yes. Jim impressed me, and gained my adoration even more when he made that decision.


Dwight. He is too funny. How many people do you meet that own a beet farm and hide ninja stars in their office desk. he's eccentric and just crazy. BUT, I still love him. Like, Michael, he annoys me at times. Yet there are moments in which you feel sympathetic and sorry for him. Like when the relationship with Angela started going kaputz. No matter what, whenever I here "Assistant Manager" the following phrase will come to my mind:
"Assistant TO THE Manager"

So....yeah. those were my absolute favorite characters in The Office. I'm not saying I don't like the other characters. They are hilarious and make me laugh. But these are the first four characters I think of when I hear The Office mentioned.


Te quiero


Love Story

"Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone
I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess,
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes"

Love. It's a funny thing. As I was driving home with my boyfriend from a night of fun, "Love Story" by Taylor Swift came on. I had heard the song (many many many times) before, yet this time was different. My boyfriend started singing along. His excuse: I play the song too much. But, his singing along made me smile, laugh, and then think. This whole song is about some kind of fairy tail. Do these exist? Or are they just something we read about in a book?

But,the following lines from the song are astonishing:
"Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting, for you but you never come..."
The lyrics portray a necessity to be saved by some "Romeo". In this world we cannot let ourselves (especially women) get carried away with an idea like this. We must be able to be independent and be able to take care of ourselves. yes, there are times where we, as humans, need assistance from others, BUT we cannot spend our whole lives waiting for people to do things for us or to save us from our problems. Being able to jump over hurdles and overcome our problems makes us stronger. It gives us a sense of accomplishment and allows us to take pride in ourselves. If you are ever feeling weak, remember this quote by Nancy Reagan:
"A women is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water".

So yes, I do beleive that love stories do happen. Just not in the way that is portrayed in the song. There can still be the "lights, the party, the ballgowns", but there will be no saving of a person. A true love story happens when two people who are strong and independent love each other and decide to come together.

Just remember. Be Strong. Be who you are and don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than amazing.

Until next time

Je t'aime

Friday, April 16, 2010

Sonnet 18- "Shall i compare thee to a summer's day?"

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee."
-William Shakespeare

It's funny how many people remember the first lines of this sonnet by William Shakespeare. I myself think of William Shakespeare when I hear the first lines. But, upon hearing it recited by a friend the other day, I realised that I had no idea what work this line came from. This inspired me to do a some detective work and I found Sonnet 18. It is beautiful indeed. But, reading it has made me question a thing or two( or at least think about things).
Yet, one line struck a chord. Line 7. "And every fair from fair sometime declines...". I interpreted this as "every beautiful thing will, in time, lose it's beauty". Which, I guess, is true. Take, for instance, the beautiful flowers. Yes, physical beauty does fall away. But does this also pertain to the beauty that is present inside of a person? Will the personality of a person slowly fall away like the petals of a flower? This is scary. Yet, I don't think they do. Maybe physical beauty does fall away, but the beauty that counts does not! This is important. I put too much thought into my outer appearance. My looks. My clothes. My home. My car. Yet, I don't pay enough attention to my inner growth. My inner beauty. I worry about me, myself, and I. It's sad.
So. This is my resolution. My resolution to stop worrying about my appearance, and start working on my inner beauty. To start being kind to others and to stop judging. To start realizing that, no matter what people say or do, I am amazing. I am smart. And nobody can take that away.
Just remember. You are amazing and you are beautiful.
Until later
Je t'aime
-Lourdes <3